CAUSES OF SEXUAL PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE

Most sexual problems in marriage are preventable when couples observe a proper courtship process. Effective counseling during courtship can help identify potential issues early. When signs of sexual incompatibility are spotted in time, either medical or psychological therapy can be sought—if the condition is treatable. In cases where differences are irreconcilable, couples may be advised not to proceed with the marriage.

Since premarital sex is considered adulterous and is not permissible, it’s often difficult—or impossible—to identify certain sexual issues until after marriage. Ironically, many couples who ignored this standard still failed to recognize sexual incompatibility due to lust, desperation, or blind love. Some even noticed red flags but explained them away because they were eager to marry at all costs.

Here are several causes of sexual problems between married partners:

Also read: God Design for Sex and Marriage: Biblical Wisdom on Intimacy

1. Adultery

This may arise from:

a) Sexual dissatisfaction:

This includes abnormal or uncontrollable sexual desires. When a woman exhibits this, it’s called nymphomania—an urge to have sex with anyone, anywhere, at any time. Such individuals are rarely satisfied by one partner and often seek gratification outside their marriage. Their actions can embarrass their partners and ultimately lead to a breakdown in the marriage.

b) The belief that “everyone does it”:

Some argue it’s impossible for a man to be with only one woman. But Scripture urges believers not to conform to worldly standards (Romans 12:1-2). If it were acceptable for men to have extramarital affairs, why not for women too? This selfish mindset is destructive—selflessness, not selfishness, sustains godly relationships.

c) Desire for excitement:

Some people are lured by the thrill of forbidden sexual encounters. As Solomon wrote, “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious. But little do they know that the dead are there” (Proverbs 9:17-18 NIV). He also warned, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” (Proverbs 6:27-29 NIV).

d) Poor communication:

If one partner is shy, fearful, or distrustful about discussing sexual issues, they might seek advice from the wrong sources—often leading to adultery.

e) Prostitution and sexual trade:

Some married women sell their bodies for money, often out of frustration, deprivation, or greed. Men also engage in homosexual prostitution—a disturbing trend among elites in society.

Check – How Children Can Unknowingly Strain a Marriage (And How to Fix It)

2. Spiritual Differences

A lack of spiritual unity between partners can lead to sexual denial. Paul advised, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time… Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you” (1 Corinthians 7:5 NIV). Mutual understanding of each other’s spiritual commitments is key.

3. Tiredness and Health Issues

Genuine reasons such as overwork or illness can reduce sexual activity. If there’s mutual understanding and trust, this should not be a problem. However, if a partner uses it as an excuse to hide infidelity, problems arise.

4. Loss of Interest

Loss of attraction or emotional disconnection—sometimes due to previously unnoticed traits—can kill sexual desire. These may include:

a) Snoring:

Some people are subconsciously repelled by their partner’s snoring, leading to a lack of sexual interest.

b) Hygiene habits:

A woman may resist her husband’s sexual advances if he doesn’t bathe after work. She may find his odor offensive, while he may feel humiliated by her demand. This kind of standoff can lead to resentment if not resolved in love and understanding.

c) Genital size concerns:

Some wives are discouraged due to their husband’s unusually small or large genitals. But God designed the female body to be elastic and adaptive. Women in such situations should learn contentment and remember that many others face worse sexual or marital challenges.

d) Body odor or lack of enthusiasm:

For some, body odor or an unengaging attitude during sex is a turn-off. Sometimes, the reason is buried deep in the subconscious.

e) Naturally low libido or past trauma:

Some people have low sexual desire naturally or due to past experiences such as rape. These experiences can inhibit sexual enthusiasm.

f) Brutish behavior:

Some husbands are violent or selfish during sex, treating their wives as objects. After satisfying themselves, they ignore their wives or demand other tasks like cooking immediately. This brutal pattern causes fear and anxiety in the wife.

g) Frigidity:

Some women are unresponsive during sex—described by their husbands as “lying like a log.” This could stem from psychological issues, biological defects, or pain from contraceptive devices.

h) Ejaculatory problems:

Premature ejaculation denies some women satisfaction, while delayed ejaculation exhausts others. Both can lead to a lack of enthusiasm.

i) Unorthodox sexual habits:

When one partner engages in strange or unacceptable sexual behaviors, it may disgust the other.

j) Drunkenness:

Some women are forced to endure sex with drunken husbands who return home reeking of alcohol. Refusal may lead to violence, while acceptance brings physical and emotional trauma.

Conclusion

Sexual issues in marriage are complex but not insurmountable. What holds a marriage together is not passion alone. As Simone Signoret rightly said, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” Patience, love, mutual respect, and open communication are essential to resolving sexual conflicts in marriage.